Belief in God is a Fallacy Created by Your Inner Self (Response)

I’ve been reading a book: Homo-Deus by Yuval Noah Harari. It has been a grand source of food for thought and so here is one of the prompted thoughts. 

I’ll give you what Harari said first. 

“If I believe in God at all, it is my choice to believe. If my inner self tells me to believe in God — then I believe. I believe because I feel God’s presence, and my heart tells me He is there. But if I no longer feel God’s presence, and if my heart suddenly tells me thy there is no God — I will cease believing. Either way, the real source of authority is my own feelings. So even while saying that I believe in God, the truth is that I have a much stronger belief in my own inner voice.” (275)

So this is coming in a section that is talking about our thoughts and minds being the ultimate source of reality and meaning in our lives. And while I think Harari doesn’t have a handle on what Christians would say, think, believe or practice throughout a lot of his book I think this quote is full of things that Christians will say in order to back up their belief in God, “I feel God’s presence so that means He is real.”

Though we say things like that, I don’t think that it necessarily follows, as Harari believes, that the ultimate source of authority for Christians is actually our own thoughts, our own inner voice. 

When we talk about our relationship with God we are talking about something, an objective experience, that is often above and beyond what we can communicate in normal language. But just because we are bad at communicating what we are experiencing and what we know to be true, doesn’t mean that the objective experience isn’t real and just our inner selves (which Harari will later even argue doesn’t exist) determines our beliefs. 

There are often times in the lives of a Christian in which we do not feel God’s presence. There are times that, to gratify whatever desire we have in that moment, it would be easier to believe God isn’t real. Yet, we know, that He is real. The objective fact we build our lives on, despite our feeling and the desires of our inner selves, is that God is real. 

It’s a shallow thing to say that a person only believes in God because they choose to believe in God, as if we thought Him up ourselves (which is of course Harari’s argument). Instead, we react to what we experience externally to us, filtered through our experiences, for sure, but not created by our inner monologues. This doesn’t even take good theology into account. If we are talking about Arminian Christianity then sure; you could make an argument that people choose God, but it still wouldn’t be right. But good theology also includes the truth that God chooses us. We aren’t the sole agent in coming to God, though our choosing Him is important. God is actively involved in our salvation and in drawing us to Himself. So to say we choose God because of our inner selves explaining our experience as “god” doesn’t take into account the fact that God is active and at work, that the Holy Spirit is with us, and that God chooses us too. 

“I believe in God,” as C.S. Lewis once famously said (but he said Christianity) “as I believe the Sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

On Church Starting

I’ve been doing a thing lately where I write blog posts and then don’t post them. So here’s the first one. I’m finding it hard to title though. 

Hi...

So you probably know that in the past year I started a church...

I wanted to talk a little about why and what I see the church as and what I hope for this small and hopefully growing gathering group of people called “Calvary Limerick” or “Calvary Chapel Limerick” if you like. 

Some of you reading this will think “yeah, I know this guy from school (or when he was a kid) it makes total sense that he would run a church sometime.”

If that’s you, I put on a good show, and I’m sorry.

There’s others of you who will say “I know him from school (or when he was a teenager) and I thought he would have given up on this Christianity bull by now.” 

If that’s you, give me a chance to explain why I’ve gone so deep as to “organize religion”, not just meddle in it myself. 

So, to be quite frank and to just throw a thought out there that I hope you’ll give me the benefit of the doubt to read the next couple of paragraphs after reading this next statement:

I hate the church.

What I mean by that is that I hate this system of falsities that we humans have created where we “do church” and what actually happens is we sit with some people in a room for a bit, maybe sing, listen to some guy talk (that guy is now me 😱), and feel generally a little awkward and a little unsure as to why we’re even there. Then, just to make it worse, there’s that guy... you know, the one who likes to tell you that the sad news you got during the week and asked for prayer about, because you’re trying with this church thing, is because of your sin and because God is punishing you. Or there’s the other person who actually knows your sin and starts telling you you can’t be a Christian because of your bad fruit. Or the other person who tells you that to be a good Christian you basically have to, well, do the exact opposite of everything you’re presently doing. Meanwhile, that trio aren’t so perfect themselves. 

That’s not where my hatred of the church stops. I hate it when God’s name is invoked to bolster the authority of the leadership, or the spirituality of the leadership, I hate it when we all wear masks that tell everyone we’re fine when really we want to scream, I hate it when I see kids being totally ignored when God said to know Him we need to have faith like a child. I hate to see the Bible used to bash people or enslave them and cause them more pain than they had before they heard that helpful Bible quote from that lovely church goer. 

So yeah, I hate the church when it’s being bad.

Some of my close friends and I have a word for that sort of church culture. We call it churchianity. It’s where you take something that seems Christian and make it into a system, sounds good because the Bible is quoted and God’s name invoked and we’re even told that the Holy Spirit showed me... but when you boil it down it’s about control and pain and the insecurity of church leaders. 

I was reading a book recently that said science and religion are not at odds with one another because ultimately they are both about control. They are both interested in controlling humanity to conform to a pattern, religion is one pattern and science (mixed with humanism really, like scientism as opposed to objective scientific fact) is another pattern. But both are about control. That makes me sick. I hate that. 

So, now, I want to make another statement:

I love the Church. 

By that I don’t mean the semi legal (as in the paperwork is in progress) organization called Calvary Limerick (or any other church I’ve visited or been part of). 

What I mean by the Church is the people. People who are flawed, hurting, broken, shit heads from time to time, lost. People who are like me. People who are made in God’s image, people who are on a journey through the pains of life trying to make sense of it, hopefully finding a Father who loves them in it, people who have value, worth, who are loved, who are important, people like me too. 

I didn’t start a church to add the name Calvary Limerick to the phone book (or the Calvary Chapel church locator, though I look forward to being on there someday). I didn’t start a church to hurt people, to make them feel like crap, to call them sinners and condemn them. I didn’t start a church so I can feel important coz I get to be Pastor Wavey and have a fun title (I’m actually pretty uncomfortable with being called pastor, or admitting I am one, I feel like it’s something God’s going to have to work on with me). I didn’t start a church because every other church out there is useless and I believe I’m the only one with all the answers and who can do church right. (A large part of me would love to just be in Calvary Cork still and satisfied with the things I was able to do and person I was able to be there).

So, why did I start a church?

Two words: grace and love. 

Churchianity is about the things we have been seeing above. 

Christianity, real, actual, Christianity is about grace and love.

They are easy things to forget. Rules are easier than relationship. Ticking boxes is easier than being part of each other’s lives through the good and bad, the Holy and sinful, times. 

Grace means that God did everything for you! There is nothing you can do that would make God love you less, there is nothing you can do that would make God love you more. Whoever you are, whatever situation you are in, He is especially fond of you. And not just that, He has given Himself to save you and you don’t need to do anything to add to that, you can’t. Notice what I said above, there’s nothing you can do to make God love you less, but also more. 

His love for you is perfect. His love for you moves mountains. His love for you moved heaven to action on an overwhelming, reckless plan of salvation. He never leaves you, even if you walk from Him. 

God’s Love makes relationship with Him possible. God’s grace makes it accessible. All we need is faith. Faith isn’t a work. It’s a state of being.

I started a church because I found grace and love, and specifically I started a Calvary Chapel because they are big on teaching and exemplifying grace and love, and because I want to see other people find that same grace and love. That’s what the Church is to me. A group of people overwhelmed by the grace and love of God and then noticing that the person beside them is also overwhelmed by the grace and love of God and bonding because of it, showing grace and love to one another because of it. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave His One and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God.” (Hebrews 12:15a)

I see the problems in the church. The abuse scandals, the baby killing, the laundries, the crusades, the hypocrisy, the hate, the weight placed on people, the standard that’s impossible to live up to, the rejection of people different from “us”, the tendency to elect people who will bring in “Christian values” even when they show little grace, love, or Christian values in their own lives, the rejection, the pain caused, the shame placed on people. I see it. I’ve been on the receiving end (and sadly the giving end too). I’ve walked away from church “completely” a number of times in my life.

I see people in their thousands and millions rejecting the church for what it has become. I get it, I’m right there with you. 

And it terrifies me. Because I run one now. And you can be sure that all (hopefully not all, I’m not planning any crusades or anything). But you can be sure that Calvary Limerick, as a community, will do some of those things I’ve been talking about rejecting. And, here’s the really scary part for me, you can be sure that I will do some of those things I’m rejecting. 

Because, sadly, (to use a phrase I used earlier) I can be a right shit head from time to time, I can forget love and forget grace. I can get into a mode where controlling the people in the church with dos and donts will seem more attractive than being in relationship with them and living life together with them. I will sin. I will make mistakes. I will hurt people.

And it terrifies me. 

As much as I want to be part of the solution. As much as I want to say to the person struggling with whatever sin, mistake, hurt, unforgiveness, battle, whatever it is, that God loves them, that I love them, and that there’s grace to carry them through this, I know that for some people I will be part of the problem. 

I want to see a church that’s Christian. Not a group of people bogged down in churchianity. I want to see God lifted high and worshipped for who He is by the people of Limerick. I want to talk about God’s love and God’s grace and how we are able to live, forgive, love and show grace in light of that love, grace and forgiveness shown to us. That’s why I started a church. 

Reader, you may be one of the people who has already experienced that bad side of me, the side that contributes to the problem, the side that doesn’t show the love and grace of God to you. I might be the reason, or one of the reasons (gotta be some bit nice to myself right?), you gave up on church, and with it gave up on God. 

I’m sorry! Let’s chat because I want to say that to your face. 

Reader, you might be a person who will come to, or is coming to Calvary Limerick, and you will experience that same unloving and ungracious side of my character. May I also apologize and may I beg you to be gracious and loving with me in those times and point to this post. I may need to reread it a few times in my life to remind myself/be reminded about what the goal is.

So, friend, I want Calvary Limerick to be a place of grace and love, but it has people in it, and like me they can forget love and grace sometimes. But if you’re willing to look to God, and to show grace, love and forgiveness to others because He has shown grace, love and forgiveness to you. I’d love to live this thing called life with you, to stand with you and walk with and be amazed by the love God has for you and for me together. To fail from time to time, but to help point one another back to that grace and love that amazed us both in the first place. That’s why I started a church.