So, here is a list of 25 things I've learned... expect some to be shallow and others to be deep, some to be cynical and hopefully one or two to be hopeful.
1. There is no such thing as democracy, and the government probably don't care too much about you as an individual, but it is still important to vote!
Yeah, cynical observation number 1. I don't think democracy exists. In Ireland every political party roughly stands for the same thing, the same policies and there is no real choice. Also, when we vote no in a referendum it is just put to us again a year later, and probably annually until we say yes.
I also have learned not to trust politicians, they say all the right things in their policy documents but they will likely do none of that once in power.
On the flip side of this Ireland has a great Social Welfare system (even if it has a lot of red tape) and the tax breaks for charities and churches existent in 2014 is such a great thing.
2. The government isn't as bad as we like to say.
Everyone in Ireland complains about the government, but really they have budgets, loans, the IMF and the EU watching their every move. There is really only so much they can do. Though I don't think they are out for your benefit or advancement, I also don't think they are out to get you, as many Irish people believe. They just want to balance the books and maintain the status quo, by and large, and change one thing per 5 year term.
3. Media rules the world.
The majority of people you meet on the street have their opinions formed by RTÉ news, the Irish Times and maybe Sky News and CNN, that may sound harsh, but it is true. People of the twenty-first century ingest news in quick, bite-size chunks.
The average, and not so average, person you talk to on the street will believe everything they hear on TV or in a newspaper, never taking an objective look at the ideas being presented. It's an annoying part of life and makes for very dull conversations.
4. You can't find your worth in other people.
People will let you down. If you idolize someone, or even look up to someone, they will eventually do something that causes you to feel hurt, betrayed, abandoned and lost.
You should never find your worth from a friendship, a relationship, a group of people etc. Those things are fleeting and what are you left with after they are gone?
5. Hold onto your friends.
With all the bad that there is in the world one of the best things is friends. Friends are the family you choose and they are so important. Yes, you will have fights, you will go through times of intense dislike of each other but these are the people who want to be around for life.
I'm not, of course, saying 'hold onto the people you thought were your friends but they stole all your money, burned down your house, slept with your girlfriend, cheated with your wife, took a loan out in your name and didn't pay it back, got you in legal trouble' etc. But the real friends, the ones who love you and care about you and want to see your good come about, those are people to hold onto.
6. If you have no friends like the above, go and find them.
Similarly, if you had a friend like this, but fell out of touch and don't have one anymore go and find them again. They are probably worth getting back in contact with.
This one is especially true for guys. It is not weird or wrong to have good, deep friendships with other men. It's important to have these for your own sake, as well as your future wife's sake and your children's sake. If you surround yourself with good male friends then your children have even more good male role models. That's a win-win.7. Disagree in love.
You will not agree with everything you come across in the world, and when you don't there are a number of reactions you can have to those disagreements.
1. Lord it over the other person because in your eyes you are better than them.
2. Pull away from that person because you can't deal with the confrontation.
3. Tell them you disagree with what they think, but love them anyway.
I think three is the best option ;)
8. Love your enemies.
It has often been said that the only person grudges hurt is the person bearing them. If someone has hurt you move past it. Now, that might take you some time, and by all means take that time, but don't retaliate out of anger, you'll feel better for a minute but regret it in the long run.
Wish good for the person who has wronged you, want to see them do better in life, and be better people to their other friends.
Love your enemies, because there is nothing more frustrating for someone who hates you for you to love them. The Bible says love your enemies for it will be like heaping hot coals on their heads.
9. Don't break the law unless it's pointless.
I mean if you have a law that says you can't have yellow flowers in your window... You have yellow flowers if you want, but otherwise probably best to keep it. It's there for a reason.
10. Be unique.
There is nothing more boring than meeting the same person in a different body twenty times in one day.This is especially true of the Christian world. We have created a Christian culture which we all try and fit into and the end result is every Christian is the same and boring. We all have things we like (computers, writing, art, sport etc.) be part of those things too.
11. Be Individual, but don't believe in individualism.
You should be unique because God designed you to specifically be you, but don't believe in the philosophy of individualism.
You are not the most important thing in the world, sorry, that might shock you, but you aren't. Don't think that the world should cater to your needs, it has been here a long time before you were born and will be here a long time after you die.
Individualism, or the belief that the human person, you, your mind and your rationale, are all there is and the starting point to knowing the world and making yourself known in the world is a bad thing to believe. It leads to pride and selfishness, it leads to coldness and jealousy and it's all just terrible.
Be yourself, but realise you are part of a greater unit called society (and/or the Church) and that your needs and wants don't trump everyone else's just because you need or want them to.
12. Don't give up meeting with one another.
People will let you down, friends will come and go, you will feel betrayed, you won't like people, but don't become a recluse. This title comes from Hebrews 10:25, God often knows what He is talking about when He gives commands to His people, and this one is a command.
Whether you are a Christian or not don't stop meeting up with people, seeing people, getting out there, having the chats, bants, a coffee, a dance or whatever it is with other people.
13. Question everything.
Questioning everything is the only path to true wisdom.
We are fed tonnes of lies on a daily basis, about ourselves, our looks, our bodies, our relationships, sex, the world around us, the history of the earth and people on it... everything has a slant, the more questions you ask the more you can start seeing the slants... The more you see the slants the more you can find real truth, which I do believe exists... so ask questions about everything.
14. Be authentic.
Following on from the everything has a slant above is the idea of authenticity. It's so important in a world where practically everything, every organisation and every person has a hidden agenda.The person on the phone selling you a new internet package may sound like your next best friend, they are not. Don't be taken in by it and don't become that kind of person yourself. Be real with the people you know, be authentic, don't hide behind masks in life. Life's too short.
15. Don't Save Money, unless you are saving for something.
Don't get me wrong, saving money is a good thing and it's always nice to have a little 'nest egg' or 'something for a rainy day' but I think it's a bit pointless.
If you spend all your time saving you will never do anything fun because you are saving for something bad.
I don't mean don't save money for a holiday, or for the future, but don't turn down opportunities because you are afraid of finding money in the future. Make sure you pay your bills, don't blow your paycheque on a workable R2D2 robot and end up homeless, with a demanding Astro-mech Droid to boot.
I feel like if we spend too much time and thought on saving money in case something goes wrong what does that say about what we think of God. I don't think God gives us free reign to be stupid with our money, but I do think He wants us to have faith in Him and His provision for us. A pension plan is part of His provision, as is PRSI and Health Insurance and rent/mortgage repayments... too much savings might be sending the wrong message to yourself though, that you are okay without God.
16. See the World.
You won't be able to when you are in Heaven and the New Earth might look different. I know it is hard to see the world when you have no money (maybe trips are one of those things that you should save for) but with Ryanair and cheap hostels it is easier to see Europe now than it was before.
I have recently been to London (twice), Barcelona and heading to Los Angeles. Go places, see things, experience other cultures. It's worth it.
17. Volunteer.
Volunteering is a great way to do this. I don't necessarily mean going off to remote Africa or Asia to do some volunteering trip/teaching/building/medicine (though if you want to do that you should go for it) volunteering can be anywhere. Help run a society on campus, it will be a blessing to others who like that as well, help the old lady bring her messages home, make the tea and coffee in church.
It is never time wasted time that is spent helping others; even if they don't appreciate it in the end.
18. Don't Ignore Your Dreams.
By 25 we are probably beginning to let go of those dreams now... You know the ones you filled in in sixth year, or maybe sixth class in primary school. In some cases that might be a good thing... If you can't sing there's no point in dreaming you'll win the X Factor, but some dreams are worth following and keeping alive.
I was told I would never be published, I'm not very successful but I have two books on the market... If that can happen it is likely some of your dreams can too.
When I talk about dreams I mean those ones that you have chatted to God about, the ones He has placed in your heart, the callings He has placed on your life. The things you lean towards and bring you joy, which also bring Him joy.
19. Be Grateful for Everything.
When something bad happens you can dwell on the bad, or you can find something positive and be thankful for it. Someone is a horrible person to you, but a friend buys you a drink to chat about it. Don't dwell on the friend/acquaintance that was horrible, but the one that showed you kindness and love.
I started a prayer diary about a year ago now. I write prayers in it everyday (though not necessarily on the day, I am not that disciplined). At the start I found myself describing my day to God (in writing), but as time moved on there was less description and more thankfullness. Now there might be six points a day and four of them start with thank you, or contain it somewhere.
Those of you that know me any bit well know I am not a positive person, I am still not, but this diary in which I write things I am thankful for has probably made the most positive I have ever been in my life.
20. Don't Try to Do Things.
Master Yoda once famously said: "Do or do not, there is no try" and he was dead on. When we try to do something we fail, we might try again, but if we fail again we are more likely to give up on that thing. Take that to times five failures, or ten, we are definitely giving up now.
In contrast to this we know the phrase "practice makes perfect" is true. If we know that why do we try? Why don't we train? Training is so different to trying because when we train to do/be something we expect failures and we assess them, and we learn for them, and we get back up and we start again.
If we think of things we want to accomplish as training, instead of trying, then each failure is a learning opportunity, a chance to better ourselves, not a defeat we will find it hard to come back from.
This is especially true, in my opinion, in our walks with God. If we try not to sin we will fail and become downcast. However, if we train to be more like Jesus then we expect the failures, the lapses in judgment, the sin to happen again. Instead of wallowing in self-pity an attitude of training will bring us back to God, where we tell Him about the failure and hit the ground running again.
Sometimes it is all in the attitude.
(This one comes from one of my favourite authors, John Ortberg).
21. Read Books.
I know some of you are cursing me under your breath for this one (that's why it's 21, I figure all you non-readers are gone by now).
Seriously though, books teach you vocabulary, grammar (I spelt both those words wrong the first time around) and interesting things about the world.
I am an avid supporter of reading. It doesn't matter what it is, start with comics, or buy an audio book and the book that you can follow along with the reader.
Reading really does make you more intelligent and well-rounded. Read!!!
22. Spend time Reflecting.
This doesn't mean staring at yourself in front of the mirror, it means looking at your life, who you are, where you are heading, what you want to do, why you make the decisions you make, your inner self.
I think a lot of the crazy/wrong/silly/stupid and dumb things we do have a root cause. Spend time finding that out and sorting it out, make yourself the better person, the best person you can be. [Note this doesn't say the best individual you can be. A person is not just out for their own benefit, but for the enrichment of the lives of those around them too].
Earlier (point 18) I talked about dreams and callings and inclinations. Do you know what yours are? If not reflection (and prayer) are the ways to find out.
23. If You Feel Like God is Telling you to DO Something, Do it!
Make sure it is Him first, He isn't going to tell you to sin, so if it's anything like that it probably isn't Him. Nor will He go against His Word, so check it out there (see point 21).
However, if it does seem to be pleasing to Him and not against His will or His Word then do it.
For whatever mad reason God has chosen human agency as one of His methods of communicating with people. If He tells you to say something, say it. If you say no your heart hardens and eventually all you can say is no.
This is something I'm learning recently, and I still say no more than yes, but I want to be a Yes Man, for God. I want to speak His words to people.
24. Be an Encourager, and Learn Love Languages.
I am terrible at encouraging people... But it is so important to be an encourager. If we are people in relationships with other people we can't be negative all the times. We NEED to encourage one another. It is so important.
Learning love languages links in to this. The best way to encourage someone is to do so by speaking their Love Language.
There are five.
-Quality Time (spending time with someone can be such an encouragement to people, sometimes you don't even have to say things.)
-Words of Affirmation (using your words to uplift another person by complimenting them [authentically, see point 14])
-Acts of Service (things like doing the dishes, helping around the house etc.)
-Gift Giving.
Learn the important people in your life's Love Language and use it to show you care for them, and to encourage them. It will impact your relationships if you do.
25. Love God.
After all, He loves you enough to die for you so that you can be with Him.I don't think we spend enough time, as a culture, thinking about where we are going, and what will happen, after we die. Heaven is for Real (as the movie title goes, though I don't necessarily endorse said movie).
Loving God is the thing that will change your life most. He is an insane being, I don't understand why He bothers with me half the time, but He does. He is love, complete love. He is amazing, and the true definition of awesome.
He promises to be found by those who seek Him, if we seek Him with all of our hearts. Seek Him, learn about Him, you will love Him too. That's life-changing.
I hope you enjoyed these 25 life lessons.
If you did/didn't leave a comment. If you think something is missing, comment below.
If you have questions you can direct them, anonymously if you chose, to ask.fm/Wavey1111
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